Parents just want their trans children to grow up ‘awesome’ amid ‘worsening transphobia’ | UK News

Once a month, Hannah, a charity worker in her 40s living in the Midlands, knows that she’ll find her daughter in tears.

Alex, a primary-school-aged child, loves playing Minecraft and reading books – Magnus Chase normally. Reading newspapers? Not so much.

‘She’s a happy, supported kid who happens to be trans,’ Hannah says of her daughter.

‘But she is also starting to be more aware of the amount of hate and discrimination there is out there.

‘She walks to the newsagents to buy a packet of crisps and will see what’s on the front pages of the newspapers.’

Hannah knows what comes next. Alex – who like most kids can’t think much beyond her home, school and next Tuesday – suddenly remembers the wider world is a thing.

‘It can creep up on her. Particularly the anxiety of what the future may hold – what secondary school will be like, what growing up as a trans woman will be like,’ Hannah says.

‘There’s a lot of hate out there and I think she’s aware she’s in a small bubble.’

The UK has been tumbling down a top international LGBTQ+ group’s annual ranking of queer rights in Europe for years, plummeting from first in 2014 to number 17 this year.

Victor Madrigal-Borloz, a UN independent expert, said in May that conservations around LGBTQ+ rights, especially trans people, in the UK have become ‘toxic’.

From ‘gotcha’ questions being lobbed at politicians – think party leaders being asked if women ‘can have a penis’ – to headlines about ‘trans extremists’, transphobia is getting ‘worse and worse’, says Hannah.

Long-sought reforms to gender recognition law in the UK were scrapped in 2020 despite public support, while Scotland’s bid to do the same ended with Westminster intervening to stop them.

The latest chapter of it, Hannah fears, is the British government spending months drafting guidance behind closed doors for schools on how to best support trans pupils.

First promised by Rishi Sunak in March, the guidance – which is not legally binding – would cover both independent and state schools in England.

Education Secretary Gillian Keegan told the House of Commons in July that the guidelines have been delayed and did not provide a clear timeline.

‘It is vital that the guidance we publish gives clarity for schools and colleges and reassurance for parents,’ she said.

Stressing that the guidelines are about ‘safety for children’, Keegan said more research needs to be done about ‘long-term implications of a child acting as though they are the opposite sex’.

Keegan added that schools should, in the meantime, be ‘cautious’ and ‘protect single-sex spaces and maintain safety and fairness in single-sex sport’, she added.

Amid silence from Downing Street and education and equalities officials, press leaks from murky sources have come to fill in the gaps about what the guidance may include.

Teachers outing trans, non-binary and gender non-conforming pupils to their families or limiting what facilities they can use on school grounds, such as toilets or changing rooms are among the leaks.

How the guidelines could impact a trans youngster’s freedom to socially transition – think someone changing their name, pronouns, hairstyle or the bathroom they use day-to-day – is also a big worry for parents like Hannah.

‘To deny that and forcibly put a child in a state of prolonged rejection is an incredibly harmful and abusive thing to do,’ Hannah says.

‘Social transitioning is one of the next strands of the culture war because it’s an easy way to control kids. You have to be misgendered and rejected.’

All these ‘rumours’ around the delayed guidelines have for months plunged trans youth and their families into a ‘continual state of panic’.

‘The idea that the government can bring in new rules that will suddenly segregate her and pick on her – that’s how she’ll see it – it’s just kind of outrageous that you can do that to primary school kids,’ Hannah adds.

‘Especially bringing it under the title of “safety”, when it would definitely be her safety that is threatened.’

‘There comes a point where you have to get used to the nonsense and keep your head down. That’s what I’m trying to do to help Alex.

‘Try and focus on where things are at the moment – that she’s supported, accepted, affirmed and happy at school.’

Trans youth like Alex will have no choice but to change schools, drop out or be home-schooled to escape being the target of a ‘culture war’ right now.

Research shows, however, that a person who knows someone who is trans is twice as likely to be an ally.

‘Society as a whole won’t see it as a big deal and won’t be having culture wars over it in 25 years’ time – it will just be part of life,’ Hannah says.

‘It’s about how do we keep this generation of trans kids not harmed in the short-term so they can become the awesome generation of trans adults in a future where it’s not such a big deal.’

Experts agree. Among them is Dr Cal Horton, a research assistant at Oxford Brookes University with a focus on trans studies.

‘The new school policy misuses the word “safety”,’ she says, pointing to a raft of research showing how denying trans youth support can be detrimental to their physical and mental well-being.

‘Trans people getting bladder infections and just refusing to go to the toilet – or not feeling safe enough to go to the toilet,’ Dr Horton adds.

‘They are losing their right to education. There’s zero evidence of social transition being damaging or harmful and that kind of rhetoric has been made up as a way of controlling and shaming trans children.

‘I think the word “shame” is really critical because rejecting a child doesn’t make them any less trans – it just makes them more ashamed of who they are, leading to chronic emotional trauma.’

An LGBTQ+ person growing up in an unsupportive household or school background can have a detrimental effect on their mental health, a study by LGBTQ+ young people charity Just Like Us found.

Around nine in 10 children who socially transition continue to identify as trans five years later, according to a 2022 study published in the medical journal Pediatrics.

‘Children need a space to be themselves,’ adds Dr Horton.

Legal experts – including the government’s own – have voiced concerns about how sound the government’s trans school guidance will be.

A blanket ban on social transitioning could be unlawful because the 2010 Equalities Act – the bedrock of anti-discrimination law – states that gender reassignment is a ‘protected characteristic’, regardless of age, says Jolyon Maugham, a barrister and the founder of the campaign group Good Law Project.

‘We know why this is happening – ministers have a political agenda which is contrary to the Equality Act,’ he says.

‘But it’s a terrible betrayal of schools, pupils and parents. And a huge waste of time and taxpayers’ money.’

After all, having to ask educators to be spoken to with their new name and pronouns shows just how ‘competent’ youth are, Helen, a mum of a trans teenager, feels.

‘Schools don’t necessarily understand how a parent would react to this – the young person is the best determinant,’ the Yorkshire local in her 50s says.

‘Isn’t it great that a young person can go and practice and feel safe in a particular environment? To be known as and seen as a different gender without there actually being any risk?’

Not all parents are supportive of their trans children like Hannah or Helen, who both feel that they’re simply doing the ‘bare minimum’ of what any parent or guardian does for their child.

‘As a parent of a trans kid, it’s really difficult to communicate to the public that, in reality, it’s actually very mundane and boring. For the most part, we’re raising our children. Raising them to be the best people that they can be,’ Helen says.

‘It is a necessary thing for young people who are going through voyages of discovery – not just trans people – to have the ability to talk to their parents and have the support in whichever route they take.’

Helen’s son, Freddie, might be at university, but it doesn’t mean her time as a parent is up.

‘My son’s 19 – he won’t pick up a phone unless his life depends on it,’ she jokes.

‘But the toxicity is rising and you can’t really avoid it. If you’re out there in the world at the moment, it has definitely become more noticeable.’

Helen says it’s incredibly difficult for queer young people to log onto social media or open newspapers and not encounter ‘hostility’ from every angle.

‘How do you support them in an environment where things are becoming more openly hostile to trans people, and knowing that they’re going out into a world where things are becoming harder?’ she says.

For Helen, the ‘anti-trans moral panic’ has been ‘bubbling since 2014’. Behind it being ‘a small group of people with their own political and ideological agendas because they don’t like the idea of trans people being around’ – trans youth like Alex and Freddie included.

‘How people can get themselves into such a mental space where they’re so hateful against this specific minority – and you can see it grow out into being angry towards LGB+ people too,’ she adds.

What exactly the government will recommend to schools when it comes to supporting the children of parents like Hannah or Helen remains unclear.

Until then, Helen says she will keep doing her best as a mum.

‘That’s the thing that really motivates me. I am going to make this world a better place for not only my child,’ she adds, ‘but for everybody.’

The Government Equalities Office (GEO) declined to comment. The Department for Education has been contacted for comment.

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